Artistic Insecurity

MORNING OF DECEMBER 12, 2011

This dream is the most transparent manifestation of my creative insecurities that one could ever imagine. I'm sharing it anyway.

Someone was publishing a book of cartoon pin-up art which would consist of submissions received from various cartoonists on the internet. One of the art communities I take part in heavily promoted it, so I sent in three different submissions, hoping one might make the book.

I received confirmation that indeed all three of my submissions would be used! I felt very happy. I remember going to a bookstore inside a mall to purchase my copy the day it was published. The clerk behind the counter said something snarky when I told him I had work in the book, but I can't remember what.

Then I sat down and looked through the book. I recognized many of the artists whose illustrations were featured. I found the three I had drawn, only to realize they had been re-drawn by another artist. The concept and general composition were the same as what I'd turned in, and indeed I had been credited for the ideas in their respective descriptions, but a much better artist had re-drawn it. Every single other piece of art in the book had been drawn by its original artist. How discouraging.

There was another part of this dream where I was walking a track at dawn, much as I usually do, only this track was sort of an amalgamation of all the ones I normally go to. There were one or two other people on the track as well. In real life, I only walk, but in the dream, I started jogging. I was amazed that I was holding up really well, and could keep jogging for many laps without a break.

There was a house across the street with an old man sitting on the porch. He began shouting out at the joggers and walkers, mocking us all.