The Misleading Waitress

MORNING OF JUNE 19, 2009

Eric and I were eating pizza at Mellow Mushroom, which is a dream setting ripped straight out of regular everyday life. In the dream we had a cute-but-fictional waitress with shortish dark hair--had kind of a subversive art chick look about her. Much to my surprise, she and I actually seemed to be hitting if off pretty well.

I can't recall all the details, but the two of us continued to talk beyond the restaurant visit. It seemed like a period of days passed. I think most of our contact was supposedly through e-mails and text messages. Then one afternoon I went back to the restaurant to see her, thinking we were kind of starting to go somewhere.

I knew she was supposed to be at work this day, but I couldn't find her inside. (At this point the restaurant looked more like a particular eatery my friends and I used to frequent in our college days than it looked like the actual local Mellow Mushroom.) I sat down at one of the outdoor tables and began writing the girl a quick note to let her know I'd stopped by.

Upon finishing the note, I took it back inside the building. I went to a table I knew she was serving and handed the note to the one man who was sitting there (he was slender, with a thin beard, long hair and a baseball cap). I explained to him the situation and asked if he could hand this letter to his waitress when she came back and say I was sorry I'd missed her.

No need for that, because at this point the girl arrived back at the table. Right in the presence of this random customer, she sat me down and had a talk with me. She apologized for e-mailing me and messaging me so much, explaining that she indeed had no interest in my whatsoever, though she could see how her behavior had been misleading. Then she excused herself, saying she had to get back to work, but could I please tell Eric that she had no interest whatsoever in him, either?

I don't remember feeling really upset by this news. More than anything I was just put off by her seemingly duplicitous behavior.

On my way out of the store I remember passing what looked like some kind of gift shop (for anyone who's ever been in a Cracker Barrel restaurant, it was much like the gift shops always attached to those). There was a table covered in various Peanuts merchandise. One item was a ceramic sculpt of Snoopy, and I think also Charlie Brown and Lucy. It held pills or vitamins or something inside. I was considering purchasing it for my actual Peanuts collection, because it was a very unique item, and fairly inexpensive.