Scarlett Jo's Cookie

MORNING OF APRIL 28, 2008

I was at a party or some type of gathering on the front lawn of a residence at dusk. At one point I went into the house and found my way to a bedroom upstairs. In that bedroom was a huge display of Marvel comics memorabilia. Marvel founder Stan Lee and actress Scarlett Johansson were in the room as well. It turns out a Marvel comics documentary was being filmed and Scarlett was the host.

I passively observed Scarlett narrating a segment, and then she spoke to me when she took a break. She asked me if I'd go to the kitchen and bring her a cookie. Only she specified that she didn't like things that were very sweet, so please to make sure it wasn't a particularly sugary/sweet cookie. Obediently enough, I made my way to the kitchen to find such a cookie.

Even though this house looked like a very ordinary residence, there was an actual chef in the kitchen, with the uniform and toque and everything. I put in my very specific request for a not-especially-sweet cookie, and he said he'd make it himself.

There was a large, refrigerated unit not unlike the type you see in an ice cream parlor that displays all the different flavors. Only this container displayed all different "flavors" of cookie dough. I don't remember the specifics, but the chef chose about five flavors that had very deliberately sugary names. He squashed them all together and handed the lump to me, telling me to meld it into the shape of a big cookie.

I explained one more time that she didn't want a sweet cookie. He just grinned knowingly, wiggling his eyebrows, and motioned for me to go ahead and make the cookie. I decided that it was no big deal; if she didn't like her cookie, then she just didn't like her cookie. I began to knead the cookie dough into the proper shape. It was a biggish cookie, about the circumference of a soft ball.

At this point a UPS delivery man showed up, only he wasn't a man but a teenager. He delivered two packages, which I had to sign for (the chef was now busy putting the final touches on the cookie himself). The delivery-boy seemed very suspicious...somehow simply not legit. I began to feel unsafe accepting his parcels.

Then suddenly the smaller of the two boxes fell to the ground and a black, beetle-like bug ran out. The delivery boy cursed and fled, as though he had been caught in the act. Somehow I knew this was no ordinary bug, but something that had been deviously sent to this house to somehow harm those of us in it. But the bug had disappeared under some appliances, so now there was no telling where it was or where it would appear next.

After some time, I located the bug in a closet and madly began trying to stomp it to death. It kept deftly dodging my feet, so I reached down and managed to pick it up. It was very clearly the evil bug when I grabbed it, but it immediately became an empty Fruit Roll-Ups wrapper when I touched it. I was perplexed, but just to be safe, I tore the wrapper in half...and it shuddered in my hands as if in pain as I ripped it....and that's about all I remember.