The Break-In

MORNING OF JANUARY 25, 2012

My friend Eric casually explained to me that he was going to break into the home of one of his coworkers, and he needed my help (I don't know any of his coworkers, so this isn't based on anyone real.)

We showed up at their house early one evening before it was even dark. They family was not at home, as we had been counting on. Their house was huge; more like a mansion, really. Our first obstacle to getting in was a large, iron fence with some very fierce-looking dobermans behind it.

We somehow made it over the fence and past the dogs...my memory of this is jus a blur of running for our lives and jumping over things. We ended up on an elaborate patio behind the house. There were large sliding glass doors that led into the house. Eric was trying to decide how to pick the lock when I calmly walked over, picked up a landscaping brick from the nearby flowerbed, and threw it through the glass.

Having gained entry into the home, I then hid the landscaping rock I'd used to break in under one of the living room chairs. Then we walked to one of the bedrooms in the back where there was a computer.

Eric explained that he was going to log on to his coworker's account and mess it up (that this could likely have been done from most any computer never seemed to occur to us). After Eric changed their account, I told him he should also change their password to something really random, so they wouldn't even be able to log back into it. He did.

We were ready to leave and we heard voices in the house. Eric explained that they were having a dinner party elsewhere in the house, but we could still easily escape. We then produced costumes--costumes we each respectively wore to a 2010 Halloween party in real life--and put them on. I was the Mad Hatter and he was a rock star.

We casually walked back through the house, joining the party along the way. People talked to us, asked about our costumes, but never suspected that we weren't supposed to be there.

My last memory is being back in my own car, alone, driving home. (I can specifically remember passing a local seafood restaurant on my way). I was stricken with terror. Why did we break into someone's house?! They'd catch us eventually. I'd go to jail--and I didn't even know why I'd done it!

Then I was watching Conan and they were playing a clip of our break-in on the show.